celebrate this. 8/13/23

Happy good evening 💜

How’s your vibe been this week?

Mine’s been pretty alright, I think. I can’t recall any major upheavals. I do recall lots of good moments, so that always fairs well, and I dig the practice of giving my prior week a good once over in the rearview mirror.

Hasta la vista, baby 💪🕶️

I also think this week has been blurred, mostly because I chronically seem to run behind on things anymore, which is a doubly interesting convo for another time.

All that aside, I do have a celebration that’s lighting me up.

But first — a confession.

I’m “terrible” at meditation.

I cringe saying that because I would never say that to anyone else about their meditation practice. I don't think it's actually possible for anyone to be terrible at meditating.

So. An explanation.

Based on what I was taught about meditation and what many people think it’s supposed to be like, I’m not good at it.

Don’t get me wrong. I can sit still and look like I’m good at it. I have years and years of experience masking ADHD symptoms and trauma responses that make me really good at sitting still and seeming like nothing is wrong.

And.

That doesn’t help you benefit from meditation. Because then I’m just sitting there thinking about how I’ve got this one part locked down, but I struggle with practicing the focus.

So what do I do (like so many people)? I fall out of the practice of showing up for it. I avoid 🤏. You can't not be terrible at something if you don't show up for it in the first place.

Truthfully, I’ve gotten discouraged and fallen off my meditation practice. I go through spurts where it’s there all the time after my morning movement practice, but for months now, it’s been nonexistent.

And then I wonder what the fuck is wrong. Why am I lacking patience? Why am I irritable? Why do I feel like my mind is so much busier than normal? Why is nothing feeling good?! 🔍

Mystery be gone!

I’m not showing up for myself in this way.

Until this week.

This week it felt like a big deal to start incorporating meditation practice again, so I listened to the call and caught my groove.

All week long I’ve done 5 minutes at the end of my morning practice. I set my timer in the Insight Timer* app with some ambient music (I struggle with the silence and guided meditations, which is also a larger convo) and sit my ass down 🧘‍♀️

Every. Day. This week.

And I notice the difference.

It feels like coming home and getting right with myself, and it feels extra good because it reinforces the magic within. It fortifies the me that wants to kick the face out of capitalism and people who see my daughter as just a pretty face, while also offering me refuge and slowness to counteract the hustle of the everyday.

If you don’t have a meditation practice or some kind of stillness/breathing practice, I highly recommend exploring one. 5/5 highly recommend ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

And what about you this week? What are you struttin’ your stuff about? What’s the juice?

Drop me a line in a fashion conducive to your lifestyle, and keep on celebratin’ 🎉

🪄 May this week instill a sense of gentleness where we need it most ✨

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*All resources mentioned in this newsletter are included for research purposes only and are not affiliated with Zenful Mindings LLC.

photo credit: David Brooke Martin on Unsplash